Sound Destruction: CURE FOR SURVIVOR WITHDRAWAL

Monday, May 16, 2005

CURE FOR SURVIVOR WITHDRAWAL

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Survivor recently had it's season finale, so for those of you already in withdrawal, here's a little survival humor to cheer you up.

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the little woman about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

(thanks The Dreama Zone)

7 Comments:

Blogger SheaNC said...

Rupert, where are you?

12:49 AM  
Blogger Nedhead said...

I tried the sink trick, but it didn't go over to well.

9:39 AM  
Blogger Sar said...

Shea - I knew you'd connect with the survivor withdrawl theme...

Nedhead - consider that it's not meant to go OVER, but rather IN (the sink). ;)

I personally thought #6 about the coughing/laxatives was pretty damn funny.

9:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aside from me, does anyone else think that Survivor SUCKS?

8:47 AM  
Blogger Nedhead said...

I have never watched a single episode. Scouts honor. I was also never a boy scout.

9:01 AM  
Blogger Sar said...

Anonymous - Do you mean the series in general or just this past installment?

2:21 PM  
Blogger Nedhead said...

the series

8:40 AM  

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